Anyone who spends any time with me knows I have a tendency to torment myself about the most peculiar things (I’m workin’ on it! ). Often these diatribes start with “Who the hell do you think you are, Tabitha?” One of my favourites is, “Who the hell do you think you are to be teaching anyone about peace and enlightenment? Have you seen yourself lately? You’re a bit of a train wreck!”
Yup, that’s me, Messy Woman, flying around with flaring temper, mood swings, cruel, thoughtless words, all sorts of good stuff for which I criticize myself. And I’m a teacher. AND I’m working on it! Isn’t that all we can do, really?
This past Sunday I had the glorious experience of sitting in silence on retreat. For a whole day–NO SPEECH. No email. No phones. No….speech. Silence with the exception of the few meditations facilitated by Tony Murdock and the devotional chanting offered by John Bauld, Bobbyji and crew. Something about John’s voice reminded me of a musical group I used to listen to, Lifehouse. All of this drifted back to me in the midst of a few hours of seated meditation and devotional singing
Today, on my way to a Reiki session with Dana Chapman, I popped the old Lifehouse CD into my car stereo and moved down memory lane, but I had forgotten all about one song, “Trying”. Listening to it today I couldn’t help but smile. The song spoke to everything about being human and it spoke to me about being a teacher, mess and all. Right now, in this moment, I feel absolutely okay with it all.
Here is the song with lyrics. Okay so the background and font make the reading a bit challenging but it’s the best (mess) I could do.
From mess to silence to sacred singing to calm–all roads lead somewhere.
In the next while we will explore silence together, both the challenges and the rewards. Stay tuned and stay in tune.
Blessings and may you find your way “there”. I’ll meet you there.